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Apr 06

Reader feedback required

It is alleged that there is a hard and fast rule that when you’re in the early stages of dating someone (first couple months, say), it is a dealbreaker for the guy to SMS the girl in substitute for a phone call. Supposedly, this signals either non-interest on the guy’s part, or if that is not true, gross laziness which is to be avoided at all costs. In other words, if such a girl receives an SMS, it is more probable than not that she will terminate the relationship. This was the first any of us three guys tonight had heard of this “rule”. Yet, all three girls were in total agreement over the matter, as if it were a matter of universally known social courtesy. Independent verification is required: do you agree? Comments, please?

This post has 14 comments

1.  shirley

I would think that the guy’s just too shy, which works for me. And anticipate for him to call sometime. Wouldn’t it be a bonus then?

2.  Hazel

just surfed in.

I think that if the girl is interested in the guy, anything that the guy does is ‘right’.eg sms, call, msn, even a post-it note can be romantic…

it’s not so much the medium of communication that is important, but the expediency of contact, the tone, the language used etc?

3.  ambrosis

Whilst I can’t speak for the ladies, from my own perspective this “rule” cannot be universally relevant. Early (tele)communication between myself and the girl who has now become my wife was almost entirely based within the realm of SMS. At the time her confidence in spoken English wasn’t where it is now, and I was so smitten as to be nearly rendered dumb, so texting was the less stressful, more comfortable alternative.

4.  Shish

I sent my girlfriend an SMS on the night we started dating, after I got home. The reaction was entirely positive.

If such a rule exists, I’ve never heard of it.

5.  Shish

Sorry for the multipost. PHP error plus a few refreshes before it occurred to me that refreshing was probably stupid. Stu, delete, if you please. [Done -Stu]

6.  vivi


If all that the guy does during the first few months of dating is sms the girl I think the girl would rather find a relationship on the net than to keep the guy. But I’m guessing guys sms when they’re busy or when they know the girl’s busy and can’t chat. So when smses are bonus attempts at communication coupled with the regular phone call I don’t think the rule applies at all. I don’t think they’re being lazy either… I think smses require more effort than a phonecall

Work that number pad Stu, you have my support (muahaha)

7.  Gdub

I would have to agree, never heard that rule. I’m used SMS multiple times with multiple girls, and I think it just turns into an additional communication outlet. No harm, no foul.

8.  Kev

Bullsh*t rule. Never heard of it. Never will abide to it. There has to be a level of tolerance. These hard and inflexible ‘rules’ that certain people adhere to are utter jokes. Mind you Stu, it’s a little sad that you only start to gain comments when you post about romance!!

9.  Soon

Never heard of the rule. Then again, I don’t own a mobile, so that’s skipping me all the way around.

10.  Ros

I would have to agree with the rest of the comments here. I’ve never heard of that rule! I think any communication is good, as long as it’s from the right person, and contains the right information.

11.  Pete

“The rules” according to MeFi

Is it the very first contact made? Or is it continuous?

12.  Phuong

I’ve never heard of this rule. As long as sms is not the only way you communicate, I can’t see the problem.

13.  Captain Mango

Stu! You forgot to qualify the situational scope of the “nuclear SMS”.

It is a potential dealbreaker when a guy CALLS OFF A DATE or other arrangement with a girl via SMS, particularly if it’s on the day of, as it was in the case study being examined that night. I mean, that I can actually understand. It’s just rude to can a plan with a woman in print rather than by phone. It works both ways too – I’ve had this done to me by a girl recently, and I didn’t particularly dig on it. Or maybe she didn’t get the hint…

The rule, if it were strictly applied, would I think be a little freaky. Email and SMS are probably the preferable way to communicate during a work day anyway.

But if it’s a Sunday and you have a date that night you can’t get to because you’re busy, well, the least you can do is to press Call instead of all those keys. I can see that from a girl’s POV.

14.  Stu

I apologise – Captain Mango is quite correct and I appear to have grossly misrepresented the rule. Yes, I think when you have to cancel, you’re inconveniencing the other person so it is courteous to call instead of SMS. Whether it’s a dealbreaker or not, though, is still a valid question…

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