You know you are in danger of suffering Olympics Burnout if......
You've decided on a name for your next child - Cathy if its a girl, Van den Hoogenband if it's a boy.
You've actually spotted Syd, Millie or Olly.
You know there will be plenty of tickets to the Friday night screening of Hollow Man, but you feel strangely compelled to start queuing on Wednesday.
You've had your driver's license laminated and you are wearing it around your neck.
Wife: "Darling, can you put out the rubbish? " Husband: "Oi, Oi, Oi."
You don't know the entire Lithuanian national anthem, but you are pretty sure the first line is "Lithuania, our homeland, you are the land of heroes."
You have tried hypnotism, heavy drugs and three days in confinement, but you still can't get the songs Absolutely Everybody, Carry the Flame and Dare to Dream out of your head.
You've worked out how the cycling points race works - only eight days after the cycling points race finished.
Speaker of the house of representatives: "Order, order in the house." Parliamentarians: "Oi, Oi, Oi."
You've seen so much of John Howard sitting in the front row that the other night you had a dream you actually voted for him.
You've been caught watching basketball.
You know you have to go back to work next Tuesday, but you can't remember if you are a dental hygienist or an undertaker.
You're thinking of taking up jogging in your lunch hour because hey, Athens is only four years away.
Drill sergeant: "Right turn, quick march." Platoon: "Oi, Oi, Oi."
You've forgotten what Eddie McGuire and the entire cast of Chicago Hope looks like.
You open your bag for inspection and take the metal objects from your pockets when you pass through your own front door.
You have a favourite trampolinist.
Of course you haven't forgotten the kids names. They're ummm, Tony, Kylie - I think - and, ahhh, the small one with the freckles.
You slipped on a nose peg down at the local pool when nobody was looking and tried to see if you could do the splits under water.
Server: "Would you like fries with that?" Customer: "Oi, Oi, Oi."
Now that the Olympics are over...
... and we are no longer the centre of the universe (although we've always been pretty bloody close to it) it's time to get back to normal so:
1) You can stop smiling now.
2) Same goes for being nice to everyone.
3) People looking confused or lost whilst holding maps can be ignored as per usual.
4) People with foreign accents can be made fun of.
5) People wearing big ID badges around their necks should be told they look like dicks.
6) Same goes for wearing the official SOCOG volunteer gear. It's finished, get over it.
7) The Sydney 2000 t-shirts that sold at the Olympic Park Megastore for $60 bucks last Friday are now being sold at Paddys Market at 3 for $10.
8) Chants of "Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi" will not be tolerated. Police have sanctioned the use of violence against anyone who does. Expect to hear the frequent sound of Police gunfire alot over the next week or two as those who have forgotten the Olympics are over are subtlely reminded.
9) Expect to hear the frequent sound of Police gunfire again anyway.
10) Wearing a tracksuit emblazoned with the name of some forgotten tinpot ex-Soviet Union dictatorship will no longer give you preferential entry into the best clubs in town. (Though I do have a few Krygystan ones still for sale at $14.95 for both shirt & pants, purely for novelty value of course.)
11) You don't have to watch Archery, Shooting, Greco-Roman Wrestling, Equestrian, Synchronised Swimming, Badminton, Hockey, Sailing, Tai Kwan Do etc etc ever again (at the very least not for another 4 years anyway. Though I'm sure the Greco-Roman Wrestling will always go down well with the local denizens in Oxford St in one form or another.)
12) Trains will again start derailing and City Rail staff can go back to being their normal surly selves. "Mind your step Ladies and Gentlemen" will be replaced by the familiar refrain of "The 5:28 to Berowra is delayed by 45 minutes and will now not be stopping at this station. Cityrail apologizes for the inconveniance but realizes that as you have no real alternatives you'll just have to put up with it. Ha ha ha ha ha......."
13) Ditto for the planes
14) And the buses
15) All the homeless people who were trucked out to "hospitality camps" will start reappearing in the inner city now that all the tv cameras have gone and Frank Sartor & Bob Carr admit to everyone "Yes, of course we were only hiding them while the Olympics were on. Whaddaya bloody think?!?!"
16) All the new street plants will not be replaced.
17) There will be public hangings of anybody found wearing the following:
a) Australian flag capes
b) Australian flag caps & hats
c) Australian flag t-shirts
d) Australian flag flags
18) No one will use the Superdome, the Hockey stadium, the Baseball stadium, the Equestrian centre or the Archery & Shooting ranges again.
19) It will take you an hour & a half to drive 10km, not the 15 minute trips you've been blissfully enjoying for the last 2.5 weeks.
20) You'll never feel as un-selfconcious singing the national anthem or Waltzing Mathilda in a full subway car with complete strangers ever again.
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